SCHOOL

Just a little update on Steven's progress in Utah. He's been going to school in Garden City for about three months now and is doing very well. He is trying hard to catch up but convincing him that he's behind has been the hardest part of all. For Steven's entire life, Patty has convinced teachers that he is "special" and incapable of learning. So he's been raised to think that if it's hard--he just doesn't have to do it. Patty has full access to Steven's teachers while he's in Utah and once again, she has pulled the "pity play" on the resource room teacher. They've had long chats about what's best for Steven, and Keith is at his wits end trying to convince this teacher that mom is crazy! Patty's good--we know that from experience! Keith feels like he's just making a little progress with Steven at home, sends him to school and the teacher won't enforce that "you can do it" mentality. And of course, Steven has become an expert at "sizing up" the authority figure in his life. So at school we have one set of standards, and at home a whole different set. Sometimes it feels like you just can't win. BTW: He's doing exceptionally well in science and math--which tells me--this kid is no dummie! But then, what do I know? I'm just the Grandma! :0)

C.B.
P.S. No--changing teachers is not an option . . . small school, one teacher! Oh well, there's always next year.

WHAT TO DO?

After dealing with Patty for the last eleven years, one of the things that weighs on me the most is the fact that she still works with infants and children. She's a registered nurse, and sometimes nurses also have the same propensity with their patients as Munchausen mother's have with their children. Patty works in her local health department in Webster County. I find it hard to believe that others working with her haven't already noticed that she's "not quite right". Since she no longer has physical access to Steven, I worry that she may find new victims in order to feed her need for attention and adulation. I have tried to figure out the best way to handle this. My wise Aunt Shirley said that this is one battle I can not fight; my closeness to the situation compromises my objectivity. Rather, I should leave it to the doctors and professionals involved to expose her for the "crazy" she is. I need your help readers. Any words of advice? I know you're smart--you already ready my blog :0)
C.B.
http://www.carolebarker.com/

Grazie!

I just have to say THANK YOU to all of you who are following this story on a regular basis. The blog is getting hits several times a day, as well as my website. So thank you, thank you, thank you and keep up the good work. I hope you're telling your friends about the book and talking it up. We've got a long ways to go before the June custody hearing. A thousand blessings on your home!
C.B.
http://www.carolebarker.com/

Third Time "Isn't a Charm"

Since the middle of October when Keith was granted custody of Steven, Patty's new attorney has filed a motion once a month to try to overturn Judge Hartert's ruling. The first and second petitions were "denied" based on the fact that Keith was only given temporary custody--the custody issue will be readdressed in June. In other words, courts are unwilling to overturn a temporary order. But Patty, having received that response twice just filed a third petition claiming the same "poor me" issues. This time the court ruled that they would NEVER hear this motion, and to stop petitioning. They ruled to leave the order as it stood until the scheduled hearing in June 2009.

Einstein said it best when he stated, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Three Pictures . . .

They say that "one picture is worth a thousand words!" Well, how about three? These photos are of Steven's bedroom in Florida where his Christmas and birthday gifts are waiting for him. The room is filled with two Christmas trees, wrapped packages, new stuffed animals, cd players, tvs, at least one live cat and one dog (what about all those allergies?), and one crazy mother. There is a two foot path from the doorway into the bedroom; the rest of the room is filled to overflowing with "stuff". I first saw these photos and thought "It's Toys for Tots"! And what's more--Steven couldn't care less about all of it. And remember, this is a mother who claims to be close to bankruptcy; she can't afford Steven's medicine. To me, this is obscene! Any other words enter your mind? I'd love to hear them!

Gotta Shove that Medicine at Him!

Keith and Beth got a call from the school one day regarding a package they had received from Steven's biological mother. When they opened the package, it was full of medicine. This created quite a problem for the small grade school. They are not legally allowed to give medicine to any of their students. Keith was livid and at the school in a flash. He told them that under no circumstances were they to give Steven any medicine. Steven was already under the care of the family physician who was slowly weaning him off the 6 prescriptions Steven had been taking. Patty was trying to bypass Keith AND the family physician by going directly to the school. The school had already checked with their legal advisor. He recommended that they keep the medicine at the school for liability purposes. If they sent the medicine back to Patty, and Steven had some type of medical emergency, she would probably sue them for not taking proper steps to protect him. But, if they gave Steven the medicine, Keith would probably sue them. So on the "advice of counsel", they decided to keep the medicine at the school. The package is sitting up the desk of the school secretary. Keith warned them that if they accepted that one package from Patty, they would be getting many more packages from her in the future. The school has decided that they will not accept any more packages from Patty and will turn them away when they come.

Steven is currently off all SIX medications that he was on when Keith and Beth got custody. Steven has been extremely nervous about the fact that he is not taking any pills. He's afraid he's going to die. Keith has had to convince him that, "The only GOOD pill, is one you DON'T have to take." Keith is still working on it.

BETH

Trying to shave calories from Steven's diet has been one of Beth's main goals while they have custody of Steven. She allows him to eat whatever he wants but maintains a tight control on snacks. For example: If he wants cake he gets 1/2 a slice; or, he gets a piece with most of the frosting scraped off. If he wants milk, he gets non-fat milk. You get the idea! Steven isn't quite sure what's going on but he knows he needs to get permission from Beth for the snacks he's allowed to eat. This was evident last summer when he was introduced for the first time to "baby carrots". He'd never eaten them before and wasn't sure if he wanted to try them. After a couple of bites he looked up at Beth and said, "These are good! How many of them do I get?" We all laughed as she sheepishly told him he could have as many as he wants.

A small side-note to this process: As Beth and I got in the car last summer to go somewhere (I forget where), the first words out of her mouth were, "Quick! I need junk food!" We made a mad dash to the local convenience store where we bought a bag of Cheetos and a large Dr. Pepper. Steven's not the only one "suffering" from his diet. SORRY BETH--couldn't resist!

Two of the STUPIDEST things!

Two of the stupidest things that Patty has ever said have been ringing in my head for weeks. The only way to get them out of my head is to write them down. So here goes:

Stupid thing #1:
"Steven has a hard time wiping himself because his 'arms are too short'."

Stupid thing #2:
"Steven is obese because his body stores everything because he does not sleep well at night." (Gee, I think I have the same problem!)

'Nuff said!

Steven's Neck

The very first time I met Steven I noticed that the back of his neck had a distinctly grey color to it. I wasn't quite sure if this was dirt or some "medical condition." I asked Keith about it and he said, "Yeah, I noticed that too. It's been that way for as long as I can remember." I suggested that it might possibly just be dirt and a good scrub might take care of it. After several washings, the grey was gone. I suspect that Steven's neck had never been washed the entire eight years of his life. Keith has had to teach his son to shower--including the ever-popular male technique of "lift and scrub." Steven's neck is now a clean, healthy, flesh color! Who says boys don't need dads?